Reflections

I used to think that being content was a bad thing. I’ve spent most of my life striving for more, but recently I’ve discovered that being content can be a good thing. I have a friend who likes to laugh at me for often saying, “I’m bored.” According to her, she is never bored, and that truly perplexed me until just now.

It’s Saturday night, and my normal partner in crime is covering a shift at her job (the joys of being a nurse), leaving me to enjoy a quieter evening at home. So I’m just chilling with Millie, my loyal dog. I’m listening to Lily Rose, who I saw in a live concert once; her performance was captivating, and I honestly liked her more than the main act that night. There’s something unique about her voice.

I realized that I haven’t written in a while, so I am just free-flowing, letting my thoughts spill onto the page as I reflect on the simple joys of life, the warmth of companionship, and the power of music to uplift my spirits on this relaxed evening. I’m not bored; I am appreciative. Listening to music does something to my soul.

I rejoined Facebook Dating. I’ve never had much luck there, but I think I’m ready to date again. In the last two years, I’ve been on exactly two first dates. I’ve taken time to heal, and it doesn’t hurt to think about my ex-husband anymore because I know I’m a different person now; I’m stronger and more stable. I know who I am, and I’ve gone through some pretty extreme lessons.

I used to want to be everything to everyone…and that’s exactly how I became a social chameleon, but now I have built a life I am proud of. I have a few girlfriends who have my back, and I have a really awesome career. My first anniversary with my company is coming up on the 15th of this month, which means I’ve been working in hospice for approximately a year and a half. When I first contemplated going into hospice, my friends at the time told me I would hate it and couldn’t do it. I’m so glad I didn’t listen.

I was scrolling on Facebook Reels, and I came across a reel that delved into the complexities of life, discussing how it can often feel overwhelmingly hard. However, the message resonated with me when it emphasized that this doesn’t always necessitate a complete stop or retreat from our pursuits. The speaker acknowledged that while some situations and relationships may indeed need to be let go of, it is crucial to recognize that not all of them require a definitive end.

I realized that for the longest time, I had been waiting for life to become easy, as if there was a perfect moment just around the corner. Yet, life is inherently messy, with its ups and downs, challenges and triumphs, and it’s this very messiness that gives it depth and texture. At the same time, amidst the chaos, life remains beautifully vibrant and filled with moments that inspire joy and gratitude. I wouldn’t trade this for anything, which is why I am convinced that learning to be alone and entertain myself has contributed to my being content.

So, I’ll take the quiet nights at home with my dog, enjoying the simple pleasures that they bring. There’s something deeply comforting about the companionship of a loyal pet, especially during those serene evenings when the world outside fades away. When people ask me if I would, “ever want to go back” to a specific time or place, my answer will always be, “No.” I am happy with how my life is going and the direction it is taking.

The memories I have are priceless, each one helping to shape the person I am today. If I went back, I would still have to learn all the same lessons, albeit in probably different circumstances, and I believe it’s the journey, with all its ups and downs, that enriches our lives. Embracing the present and looking forward to the future is where my focus lies, as I appreciate the wisdom I’ve gained through my experiences, acknowledging that they have carved a path that is uniquely mine.