What if everything goes…right?

Truthfully, I’m a worst-case scenario girl. I don’t intentionally try to be pessimistic; it’s just that I feel like I need to have a thousand different outcomes to one situation…you know, to be prepared, which is most likely a trauma response. I’ve heard of these things called “glimmers,” which are supposed to be the opposite of triggers. I love that idea! I desperately need to experience more glimmers in my life.

Millie woke me up extra early today (probably because I didn’t walk her yesterday). I turned on my music, and we embarked on our morning adventure. I started looking around: the corn had gotten taller, the birds were singing, and I even stopped to take a picture of the sunrise. I smiled from the depths of my soul. Life is more than perfect when I am happy, but for me, it’s more than just a fleeting feeling. It’s the awesome wonder of having clarity in my mind.

For a large part of my life, I identified with the disorder that was assigned to me when I was seventeen. Then I identified as a wife. Most recently, I identified as a ministry partner in my church. The ironic thing is that there are so many people who disagree with my diagnosis. I am single now and have no church home. So who am I?

Back to the original question. What if everything goes…right? I’ve spent most of my life assuming that things will go wrong. It hasn’t exactly worked out for me the way that I intended it to. I think it’s more than okay to be prepared, but I also believe in the power of positivity, and I’m learning how to let go. I’ve realized that I hold on so tightly because I think it gives me more control. What if it actually limits me? I think it’s time to be free.