I was once told that the love I share with my best friend was not love at all because I did not pour Biblical truths into her life. I think that’s the biggest scar that I hold onto from that “restorative meeting.” Well, that and the fact that the pastor dared to tell me that any other pastor would have washed his hands of me a long time ago.
So, I’ve been sick. Went to prompt care, then the ER, then my primary, and am now being sent to a specialist sick. In the ER, I was given fentanyl and then morphine. When nothing was found on the CT scan or ultrasounds, I was sent home with hydrocodone and a referral to a specialist. This means I’ve been off work, and I didn’t get to go to my concert or comedy show this week, two things I had been looking forward to for months.
Today, my bestie picked me up, let me sleep at her house, and made me soup. How is that not love? I can’t drive right now. I’m in a lot of pain, and I definitely couldn’t entertain her today. The beautiful thing is that she didn’t require me to. Yet the church people tell me that’s not love…which truly confuses me. I must process love differently.
Platonic love to me is acceptance. It’s meeting the person where they’re at. Making room for the person to just be. Not requiring them to be something they’re not.
I was not fine today, and my friend didn’t pretend that I was. Maybe that’s the hang-up I have with the church now. I spent so many years trying to be something that I was not, just trying to be loved. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in God, or that I don’t need Jesus. I am simply saying that using “Biblical truths” as a means of correction during difficult times can be dangerous, especially when a person already feels “not good enough” or not seen in the eyes of their church.
I think the root of my agitation is judgment. I don’t think there is just one definition of love. Especially since there are many different types of love. So to tell me that a person who repeatedly shows up for me when others have let me down doesn’t love me because we don’t speak of Biblical truths seems insane to me.
Would Jesus want the Bible (or Biblical truths) to be used as a divider of love? Yes, I understand correction, but I do not understand Biblical truths as a barrier to love. As far as I am concerned, I believe there were two rules: love God above all things and love one another. When did the church get to decide what love is, and why should I feel bad for having a different definition?
I think what I wrote tonight is one of the biggest reasons people fall away from the church: judgment and lack of perspective. In the end, I believe love wins, and I firmly believe Jesus would want love to win too, as he exemplified unconditional love throughout his teachings.
There are not many people in my life who accept me as I am, with all my flaws and imperfections. It often feels like the church demands that I conform to certain standards and expectations, which can be incredibly isolating. There are not many people who love me without requirements or conditions, which makes any connection of any type of love even more precious.
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