When I was still attending church, the word I chose to focus on was joy. This year I learned that joy is different than happiness; it has profound depths that often go unnoticed. Happiness is fleeting and depends upon circumstances, like the temporary thrill of a new experience or the satisfaction from a job well done. In contrast, joy is more internal, a steady flame that persists even in challenging times. It comes from a place of gratitude and contentment, allowing us to embrace life’s ups and downs with a resilient spirit.
I think I spent most of my life chasing happiness, constantly shifting my focus toward external validations and fleeting pleasures, but I can confidently say that I have finally discovered how to cultivate joy in my heart, regardless of the chaos surrounding me. This transition has been liberating, opening up a new perspective on what it means to live fully and authentically.
I will say that this is new to me. For instance, I had a pretty rough week last week. I really wasn’t “happy” until the sun came out. Truthfully, I don’t mind the aesthetics of a cloudy day, but when we have too many in a row, my body and mind just shut down. It’s literally harder to function. So, no, I wasn’t “happy.” But there was a joy deep down in my heart that allowed me to keep going. To be present for my patients and families that I work with in hospice.
Now that I have worked on joy for approximately nine or so months, I think it’s time to start protecting my peace. It’s a phrase that I have heard of often, but never really thought about because I don’t like to disappoint…well, anyone. Which means that I usually put other people’s needs before my own. It also means that I struggle with saying, “No.” I suppose if I REALLY thought about it, I still need to work on setting boundaries.
I’m trying to understand the difference between being nice and being kind. My sissy says that you can still be kind and have people respect your boundaries. I realize that many of my frustrations with others are really frustrations with myself, as I haven’t expressed myself well.
People seem to think that I “don’t have a mean bone in my body.” The problem with that is I tend to be passive-aggressive. It takes a lot to make me truly angry, but when I do get angry, it’s a BIG MAD type of thing, and I’ve always been good with words. Then I say something out of pocket, I perseverate on it until I apologize, and it’s just a never-ending cycle of regret.
So what have I learned?
- Happiness is fleeting.
- Joy can remain even when outside incfluences rock me.
- Being nice is not a necessity, but being kind is.
- Being kind acknowledges and protects boundaries.
- I need to work on setting and maintaining boundaries.
I really struggle with setting boundaries, which I think stems from a violation I experienced at fourteen. I’ve worked on healing that trauma, but it affected more than just my physical safety and ultimately altered the entire course of my life.
I can’t expect people to respect my boundaries if I don’t communicate them. That’s not fair. I’ve realized that what I find “scary” often isn’t as bad in reality. As an overthinker, I imagine countless outcomes for each situation, which brings out my controlling side. I have two options: 1) let my boundaries be ignored because I’m afraid to speak up, or 2) express myself kindly and allow others to understand.
Maybe I try too hard to be “the nice girl.” My friends are teaching me that I don’t need everyone’s approval; the right people will love me as I am. I lost many friends when I left my church community, so I feel a bit fragile now. But honestly, I’d rather be alone than continually sacrifice my peace just to keep someone in my life.
Maybe learning joy gave me something worth protecting. Now I know what I have to work on…protecting my peace.
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