Energy

Sometimes I wish I were not so sensitive when it comes to energy, as it often overwhelms me and clouds my judgment. Or at least I wish I could control it better, as finding balance in my emotional state has become a constant struggle. Today was not a good day at all; it felt like a heavy fog had settled in my brain, making every task seem monumental.

I tried so hard to shift my energy, focusing on positive thoughts and gratitude, yet truthfully I cried most of the day, unable to shake off the weight of my feelings. The energy I felt today completely tanked me to the point where it hurt my entire body. I find myself wondering how long this cycle will continue and if I will ever learn to manage it better.

The days are getting shorter, which just makes me want to hibernate like a bear. It seems like everyone wants fall, and truthfully, I love fall…fall just doesn’t like me. I started my light therapy today, but I have to start slowly because too much light can do even worse things to me. So this week, I will do five minutes a day. Next week, I will bump it up to ten, adding five minutes a week until I get up to twenty minutes a day. I’m really sensitive to medications, so I have found that light therapy is a good alternative to switching or adding medications, but it doesn’t work immediately.

Tonight I am vegging out to the season premiere of The Voice. I’ve been going to bed so early, so staying up until 9:00 p.m. is kind of a big deal. It’s been raining lately, so it’s even darker when I wake up. I miss summer already. Spring is still my favorite, but when it comes to energy, I think I am at my best in the summer.

I hope to gain good energy tomorrow. I know what happens if I TANK too many days in a row, and I’ve worked too hard to reach where I am now.