I usually express my feelings well, but not tonight, so bear with me. Hospice includes CNAs, nurses, doctors, social workers, and chaplains, known as an interdisciplinary team. The team dynamics can be complicated. CNAs and nurses work closely together, while social workers and chaplains serve together in social services, despite their different roles. Today, I had my very last Interdisciplinary Group meeting with one of our chaplains.
This chaplain was special to me, not just in a professional capacity but on a personal level as well. He was the person I would call if I needed advice or found myself grappling with the emotional weight of a hard visit. His ability to understand my feelings and circumstances without me needing to provide a long explanation set him apart, and I confided in him, sharing my struggles, doubts, and triumphs alike.
Sometimes we even did joint visits, where his calming presence complemented my own interpretations and offered solace to those we served. But most of all, he was someone I looked up to and admired for his wisdom and compassion. He was definitely Spirit-led, guiding not only his own path but inspiring those around him to seek sincerity and purpose.
As I sit here crying, I feel guilty. I feel selfish because I genuinely want him and his family to be happy and follow what the Lord has set in front of them, but I can’t help but feel like I am losing a very special co-worker. Who else will hold space for me, to listen to my thoughts and provide comfort when my job feels overwhelming?
Deep down, I know God has a plan; I just can’t see it right now. Perhaps this challenge is part of a larger journey towards growth and realization, and while it feels unbearable in this moment, I have to trust in the divine timing of my life and the lessons that are yet to unfold. Farewell, friend. You taught me so much.
FINDING JOY 
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