Friendships

I used to want to be “best friends” with everyone. Now, I realize that I never had the capacity to do that, but that didn’t stop me from trying! I think that’s part of how I became a social chameleon, and although I feel like I am behind in the grand scheme of life, I like discovering who I am. I am learning that it’s okay to have likes and dislikes and to speak my mind when someone hurts my feelings, and that I don’t have to conform to whatever someone else wants me to be.

Right now I would say that I have three pretty solid girlfriends, and each one of them is different, bringing unique qualities and perspectives into my life. The one that I have been friends with the longest, I met when I was working for my dad, and those early days were filled with laughter and shared secrets that cemented our bond. I love her so much; I call her my “sissy,” a term that reflects the deep sisterly connection we share. She’s a feisty one! I would describe her as enlightened and confident, radiating a vibrant energy that draws people in. She has some wild spiritual beliefs that might seem unconventional to others, but I love to hear them! Whether she’s talking about her meditative rituals or her take on the universe’s mysteries, her passion always captivates me and inspires deep conversations that can last for hours.

The second one I met through one of my social work jobs, where we bonded over shared experiences and common goals in helping those in need. As time went on, she eventually led me to my former church, which became an important part of my life and spiritual journey. I would describe her as consistent, steady, and profoundly faith-driven, qualities that inspire not only me but also everyone around her. Although I don’t get to see her as much as the other two, the connection we maintain offers me reassurance; I know she is just a phone call away, ready to lend her support and wisdom whenever I need it. Our conversations, filled with encouragement and laughter, always remind me of the strength of our friendship and the impact she has had on my life. She also prays for me.

The third one is the one I spend the most time with. I would describe her as caring and whimsical, a beautiful blend of kindness and creativity that lights up any room. She stands up for what she believes in with unwavering resolve, but equally, she will passionately defend your right to express your own beliefs, creating a safe space for open dialogue. Oftentimes, I feel like she is misunderstood by those who only scratch the surface of her personality. Beneath her playful exterior lies a profound understanding of life’s complexities. She has the biggest heart, always willing to lend an ear and offer support, but she also has some prickly edges, just like me, revealing the layers that life has etched into our souls. There’s a lot of common history we share regarding trauma, helping to build a bridge of empathy between us that few others can understand. She’s the least judgmental person I know, always approaching others with compassion and an open mind, which makes her friendship an invaluable treasure in my life.

I think what I am missing is the friendship of male companionship. Until four years ago, most of my friendships were with males, and I found that they were easier to communicate with and overall less combative than those with females. The dynamics seemed simpler, and I appreciated the straightforwardness that often characterized those relationships.

Personally, I feel like guys are just less complicated in many ways, fostering an atmosphere where I could be myself without the pressure of overanalyzing every interaction. I get their sense of humor, which leans towards playful teasing and banter, and I feel like they are more straightforward in their intentions and feelings. There’s a certain ease in those friendships that I miss dearly, as they often provided a balance against the complexities of life. Maybe that is why I took our chaplain’s departure so hard; he was my only male friend.

But where am I supposed to meet these men? I’m not even talking about a romantic partner; I just miss having male friends. I work with all women now. Bars aren’t my thing, especially since I rarely drink and I get stares from people when I order water or soda.

I want someone to spend time with, have adventures with, and most importantly, laugh with. I long for the simple joy of shared experiences, whether it’s exploring new places, diving into hobbies together, or even just enjoying quiet evenings with a dinner and good conversation. Finding another connection with a male, even as a friend, feels daunting, yet I remain hopeful that I will eventually discover someone who shares my values and my desire for meaningful companionship.

Making friends is challenging, as I must weigh the potential personal growth against the risk of negative influences. Not every connection adds value; some may drain my energy or distract from my goals. Additionally, the willingness of others to invest emotionally complicates friendships. I seek deeper relationships instead of superficial ones, as they foster mutual support and understanding, enhancing my sense of belonging and making the effort to find genuine friends worthwhile.

In conclusion, I am thankful for the friendships that I have built over the years, as they serve as pillars of support in my life. Each connection has brought unique experiences and joy, shaping who I am today. I think that a part of me will always wonder about the possibility of making new connections, especially with males, as I believe that diversity in friendships can enrich our lives in countless ways. However, there’s something quite compelling about sisterhood, which fosters a sense of belonging but also empowers us to thrive individually and collectively in this funny thing called life.